36 Thoughts That Go Through Every New Apple Watch Owner’s Head

August 19, 2015
"How does it <em>know</em> when I'm looking at it?"

1. OMG, I have an Apple Watch! 


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2. Ahh, it’s so preeeetty.

3. Okay, stop staring at it. What do I do with this thing?

4. What is this bull’s-eye-looking thing? Oh—I guess they're Apple's "activity goals:" “move,” “exercise,” and “stand.”

5. My rings are looking pretty weak right now. Hmm…let’s start with "stand."

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6. Oh my gosh, am I supposed to stand for 12 hours a day? Ohhh, I see. Just one minute per hour, for 12 hours throughout the day.

7. Should I adjust my "move" goal? It says 550 calories right now. I can totally do better than that. Let’s do 850! I got this.

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8. Wait, I’m going to barre tonight. Eight hundred fifty calories is a little aggressive. Let’s do 550. No, wait, 650. No, 550. K, 600.

9. Done. Now let’s see how this "exercise" thing works. Hmm…let’s try jumping jacks! 

10. Hell yes! Fifteen calories burned, two minutes of exercise down. Sa-weeet.

11. Crap, I’m going to have to do a lot more than that if I want to hit my goal…let’s speed walk to Starbucks.

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12. How does it know when I’m looking at it? The screen just pops on. I wish my lamp would do that at home. And my hot shower water. And…okay, enough.   

13. Why, yes, attractive man in line next to me. This is an Apple Watch, and yes, I am loving it. Especially right now.


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14. What does it do besides track stuff, you ask, hot guy? Note to self: Must watch tutorial.

15. Oh, you want me to show you? Okay, here’s where you can send animated emoji. Here’s where you can see my activity…

16. Shit, he’s judging me because I'm not very close to my goals right now. That’s it, I’m officially becoming a morning exerciser to get a jumpstart on these.


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17. Time to pay for my iced tea…I think I’ll use Apple Pay and just touch my watch to the screen. BECAUSE I CAN.


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18. I think I’ll take the stairs in my building. Four minutes closer to completing the "exercise" ring…

19. Am I too obsessed with these rings? Does everyone look at them five times an hour?

20. What’s that buzzing? Oh! My sister is calling.

21. Whoa, I’m talking into my wrist while walking down the office hallway. I feel like a Power Ranger! So badass.

22. Okay, I actually feel like a Power Ranger. Maybe I should save this for more private moments.

23. Maybe I’ll walk to the barre studio tonight. How’s my "move" ring coming along?

24. Definitely walking to the barre studio.

RELATED: The Easy Way to Exercise More

25. I’m a little early to class; that’s unusual. I’ll send a fist bump emoji to my friend while I pee. Wait, seriously, Apple Watch? My phone is too far away to process the message? That’s stupid. I’m about to start class, and I need to fist bump!


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26. My watch is flicking on my wrist right as I'm pulsing my right ankle behind my left knee. Must be a text message. Guess my fist bump finally went through. Resist the urge to look at it. Resist the urge!

27. Another flick. I can’t not look!

28. Oh, It’s just my dad. I’ll call him after. K, no more looking.

29. Wait, another flick. An Instagram Like. How do I shut this thing up? I can’t focus on tucking my pelvis.

30. Okay, just ignore it. I can do that. Will power. Tuck, tuck, squeeze glutes, ignore wrist, tuck, tuck.

31. It's a notification, not a text. “You reached your 'exercise' goal, Marissa. Nicely done!” And I won an "award" for completing my first workout with the watch: a gold star that now shows up on my phone under "achievements." I love gold stars!

32. Class is finally over. Now, where’s a tech-loving hottie when you need one? I have so much to show him!

33. Oh, hey, girl by locker 23. You have an Apple Watch, too?! Instant besties.


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34. WTF. I Still haven’t met my "move" goal. That’s it—I’m running home!

35. YES. All three rings complete—and then some.

36. I think I’ll get up early tomorrow and go for a three-miler. Great day together, Apple Watch. Let’s tuck you in next to iPhone and charge you up for tomorrow.


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